THE MARRIAGE COVENANT

COVENANT OF CREATION, Genesis 1-5

The Covenant of Creation is the foundation of the universe, and of the entire human race before sin entered the world. It describes the purpose of man’s creation and the meaning of his existence on the planet. In this covenant, God committed Himself to the wise ordering and continuance of the universe until His purposes are fulfilled. Even though the word covenant is not found in the account of creation, Jeremiah 33:20, 25 refers back to God’s Covenant of Creation : "Thus says the LORD: ‘If you can break My covenant with the day and My covenant with night, so that there will not be day and night in their season . . . If My covenant is not with day and night, and if I have not appointed the ordinances of heaven and earth . . . ’ "

The Covenant of Creation is two-fold: (1) The ordering of the universe (2) Man’s purpose. With God as the "greater ruler," He has the authority to impose a covenant on His creation. Since the other party is not an equal, there is nothing they can offer to the covenant except obedience. God’s creation -- the stars, sun, earth, etc. -- continue to work in harmony according to their design; in other words, they cannot choose to co-operate. Man, on the other hand, was given a will; he can choose to obey God’s covenant or disobey. God gave man a free will because He desires mankind to love Him by his own choice.

In the Covenant of Creation, God provided life, food, and fellowship for man. He also pronounced death as the penalty for breaking the limit that He placed on their dominion. "And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, ‘Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat; but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.’ " (Genesis 2:16,17)

Man was made in God’s image and likeness, which means that man has spiritual, emotional, moral, and intellectual capabilities. When God created mankind out of the dust of the earth, He created one man, Adam. The woman, as a separate being, did not yet exist. After creating everything in the beginning, God pronounced it good. The only part of creation that God considered not good was that man was alone. God then created woman and instituted marriage, the union of man and woman. He commanded them to "to be fruitful and multiply" -- to have children. This clearly shows us that God instituted both marriage and the family. He also established order in marriage and family life: man was to leave, cleave, and become one flesh with woman. Jesus said, "So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together let not man separate" (Matt. 19:6). Before sin entered the human race, God had a pattern for marriage and the family. We need to know what His will is concerning family life since God created the family. If we examine God’s design established at creation, we will find a blueprint for our families today.

Then God said, "Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness. . . "(Gen. 1:26)

And the LORD God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." (Gen. 2:18)

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Gen. 2:24)

It took both male and female to truly represent the likeness of God. The "man" was in charge, but the man to whom responsibility was given – to be fruitful, fill the earth, subdue it, and rule over every living thing – was still both male and female. Therefore, the first aspect of God’s original plan for marriage is that the husband and wife function together as co-rulers, co-subduers.

When God removed the woman from Adam’s side, He took out Adam’s feminine characteristics. In other words, Adam, created in God’s likeness, originally had both sets of attributes that today we call feminine and masculine. This has nothing to do with physical appearance -- Adam did not look partly masculine and partly feminine. It only has to do with his nature. While we are more familiar with God as a "father/creator" figure, it is not pagan or improper to examine the interesting and touching feminine side of His nature indicated by His name, El Shaddai (Genesis 17:1). El, meaning Strong One or Eternal One, is the basic Hebrew term for God; Shaddai is formed from the Hebrew root shad, which means a woman’s breast. This is God expressing Himself as our nourisher, strength-giver, and satisfier, who pours Himself into our lives -- the "feminine" side of God. El Shaddai reveals God’s all-sufficiency. Before Adam’s feminine attributes were removed, Adam, as God’s image-bearer, was complete or sufficient, being both male and female. However, Adam was alone. He recognized that he did not have another like him when he named the animals. When He separated Adam’s two natures, God not only met Adam’s need for fellowship, but also enabled the fruitfulness attribute of El Shaddai to be fulfilled.

The Hebrew for Adam is Ish. When Adam first saw the woman, he named her Isha, meaning one like me, but different -- his counterpart or compliment. God made the woman as a "helper" for Adam (Gen. 2:18). "Helper" in Hebrew denotes completing, suitable, fitted to, corresponding to, called to the side of, a helper. In other words, the woman was the "other part" of the man. Separately, Ish and Isha were not whole, but together as husband and wife they were one, as Ish was one before Isha was removed from his side. Adam’s prophetic statement in verse 24 that man should leave his parents and be joined to his wife to become one flesh was for future humanity, because Ish and Isha had already become one flesh.  When a man and a woman join into the marriage covenant, they are one flesh –  this is God’s plan for marriage.  The couple then spends the rest of their lives working that 'oneness' out. In this plan the man and woman walked as co-rulers, as one flesh totally dependent upon God.

Scripture does not say that God gave the man an assistant to order around. Beasts of the earth were to be ruled over, but the woman was made to stand along side of the man in leadership – to be his partner. Together their purpose on earth was to have dominion and to be fruitful. As image-bearers of God, they were "vice-regents" over the earth (Psalm 8:4-8), and it was God’s intention that this couple fill and rule the earth with God’s love (I John 4:16). They were to enjoy fellowship with God and fellowship with each other – the "koinonia cross". [Koinonia is the Greek New Testament word used to denote committed relationships; it is reciprocal "agape". It is used to describe our relationship with the Lord and our relationships within the Body of Christ – koinonia cross – and is the "heart of the gospel." Usually translated fellowship, sharing, communion, or partnership.]

ADAMIC COVENANT

"But like Adam they transgressed the covenant. . . " (Hosea 6:7a) 

Ish and Isha were created in innocence -- not knowing good or evil. The tree of the knowledge of good and evil was their place of choice. By trusting and obeying God, they would remain innocent. It was God’s desire that mankind simply enjoy an intimate, love relationship with Him, allowing their love for God to determine their choices. Because of this, God took the initiative and met with Ish and Isha daily for fellowship. 

Dependent upon God as the only One who could give life and meet all their needs, the first man and woman did not need to make any demands on each other. Such a relationship truly reflected His image. After a time, however, the crafty serpent presented Isha with an attractive alternative to God’s directives, leading her to doubt both God’s truthfulness (You shall not surely die) and His motives (God knows that in the day you eat . . . you shall be as gods). As Isha, and in turn her husband, ate of the fruit, they sealed their choice to believe beguiling half-truths and to disobey God. Thus they "knew evil" by experiencing it, leaving them naked and afraid, dependent upon themselves instead of God as their source. And consequently, they "knew good" only from a distance; they hid and made excuses when God came to seek them out. As a result, all relationships drastically changed. 

All of humankind have three types of relationships: with God, with oneself, and with others. In relationship to God, Adam and Eve became afraid and hid. In relationship to themselves, they were burdened with shame. And in relationship with others, specifically male and female in this case, they began to blame and condemn. Each kind of relationship affects the others (Gen. 3:7-13). 

In order to properly deal with mankind’s sin, God imposed a different covenant with the following terms:

• The serpent, who was the enemy’s tool, was cursed.

• A coming Redeemer was promised through the "seed of the woman."

• The childbearing duty of the woman changed into hard work, and the whole of the woman’s reproductive system became troublesome.

• Woman would attempt to draw life from her husband instead of from God, and would struggle to control him.

• Man would  attempt to "rule over" the woman, trying to keep her quiet about his inadequacy to fill her needs.

• The man was assigned to hard work in order to grow food from the ground which was cursed because of him.

• The inevitability of physical death was predicted.

In Genesis 3:16b God told the woman, "Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you. . ." God is simply revealing the self-centered core that was beginning to motivate each of them. Each would demand love, respect, nurturing from the other. Thus, as the generations of their children passed, men and women would forget that they were never supposed to draw their life from each other. 

God’s intention was for husbands and wives to rule together, dependent on Him, mirroring His image in the way we relate in love to each other. The Fall perverted all of that. The words "desire for" used by God in Genesis 3:16b are also used to warn Cain in chapter 4, verse 7: "If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must rule over it." Sin’s desire is to rule or control; it is destructive, dominating, and usurping. This results in marriages locked in a battle for control. It can be carefully cloaked in religious terms or in worldly "in-your-face" rebellion. Passive and subtle or aggressive and obvious, it is controlling nonetheless.

C — Controlling

U — Unforgiving

R — Reactive

S — Shaming

E — Ego-Driven

The "Curse" – this is what pervades our marriages and is passed down to the children. 

God covered the man and woman with "coats of skins," evidently from a slain animal. The man and woman were driven from the Garden of Eden, cutting off access to the Tree of Life. No longer innocent, Adam and Eve knew evil as the patient who has the cancer, instead of as the doctor who recognizes the cancer (evil), but is not infected with it. Reaping the consequences of their choice, their carefree life in the garden turned into a life of hard labor -- one riddled with fear, sickness, the battle for control between the husband and wife, and every kind of sin. It was God’s desire that the consequences of Adam and Eve’s sin draw them back to Him. The Bible records at least 27 times that God places curses (consequences) on mankind so that, "you may know that I am the Lord." The consequences, therefore, were not only meant to punish, but also to teach. 

It was out of His love for them that God imposed this new covenant on them, sealing it with the shed blood of an animal. The coats of skins, resulting from that shed blood, replaced the glory -- a sad reminder of the glory that covered them before the fall. It was the shedding of the blood that God used to draw mankind to Himself. It appears from Genesis 4 that God required the shed blood of an animal as the means of approaching Him. This was God providing a means for restored fellowship with Him. 

Genesis 3:15 contains the first prophecy of the promised Redeemer, the One who would destroy the authority of the evil one, Satan. This gave Adam and Eve hope, a hope that was passed on from generation to generation. The rest of the Bible, beginning with the Adamic Covenant, unfolds the account of how God brings the Redeemer to mankind to restore us back to God’s original intentions in the Covenant of Creation.

THE NEW COVENANT BRINGS US BACK TO THE GARDEN, EPHESIANS 5:18-6:9 

• And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be [continuously] filled with the Spirit,

• speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs,

• singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,

• submitting to one another in the fear of God.

• Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. . .

• Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it . .

• Children obey your parents . . .

• fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

Husbands and wives who attempt to be filled from their spouses, or parents who try to get filled from their children live out the consequences of the Fall. Ephesians 5:18-21 gives us some very insightful guidelines for New Covenant living that can transform marriages and families. Paul is reminding Christians to turn to the Holy Spirit as their Source of filling. The Greek word for "filled" is pleroma. It means permeated -- as the tea leaves in the tea bag permeate the water in a cup. Since the verb form "be filled" is in the present, passive, imperative form, it does not carry a command of something you can do, but rather something that must be done to you on a continuous basis. A more literal rendering might be: "Allow yourself to be continuously filled with the Spirit" or "Get your life from God. Remain in a continuously dependent relationship with Him in order to meet your needs." It is the very essence of the Christian life. The results of being filled with the Spirit literally reverse the effects that the curse has on relationships:

 

	THE CURSE	THE PLAN
With Others	Blaming Desire for (female toward male) Rule over (male toward female)	Psalms, hymns and Spiritual songs (v. 19) Submitting to one another (v.21)
Inside Ourselves	Shame	A song in our hearts (v. 19)
With God	Fear and hiding from God	Going toward God with thanksgiving (v. 19, 20)

The word "submit" is the Greek word hupostasis. It means to arrange yourself underneath and has strong military overtones as an infantry person would submit to the commanding general. Submitting is a result of being continuously filled with the Spirit. After the Fall, husbands and wives became locked in a power struggle. Both are over the other and both are under the other, because both are trying to rule. This passage tells us how to reverse and escape the "Curse." 

Paul’s instructions to wife/husband (5:22,23), parent/child (6:1-4), and slave/master [employee/employer] (6:5-9) illustrate how submission to one another works in various relationships. While the passage begins with wives, we cannot ignore what Paul is saying about husbands in this regard. If husbands are not to submit to their wives, then there is no "submitting to one another." 

If the husband is the head of the wife as "Christ is the head of the church," then we need to understand what it means for Christ to be the head of the church. Ephesians 1:18-23 portrays the powerful, eternal, victorious Christ whose headship over all things is a gift to the church. In Ephesians 4:7-16, Christ’s headship defeats and takes our enemy captive, bringing about our freedom. That’s why we have the gifts we need to learn, to grow, and to help others. Consequently, the effect of having Christ as our head is that we have everything we need in Jesus through the Holy Spirit. Just what did Jesus do to become the head of the church? He sacrificed His own life for the church (Eph.5:25). In other words, Jesus submitted His life not only to the Father, but also to the church. 

Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many. (Matt. 20:28) 

Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him [the church] endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Heb. 12:2) 

. . . Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps: Who committed no sin, nor was guile found in His mouth; who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously. (I Peter 2:21-23) 

Christ is over the church, not because He placed himself over us, but because we placed ourselves under Him to become believers. Jesus never forces His headship. All the activity of Christ (our head) is to come under, to serve, to build, and even to die for the church. In the world "head" means boss. But in the Kingdom of God, the "head" is a person who comes under others, serving and building, and being willing to die for them – this is true submission. Therefore, the husband also submits to his wife just as the wife submits to her husband. In practical terms this means that each one loves, serves, and supports the other, allowing God to take the lead in changing each other and directing their lives. As we obey the scripture to submit to one another, we will have relationships in which God can be seen. The image of God will again seen on the earth as it was in the beginning. 

This teaching to the church in Ephesus went against the customs of their culture. Wives were for taking care of the house and the children, while men went to other women for sex and companionship. The only way Christian husbands and wives could go against the cultural norm and walk in mutual submission was by being continuously filled with the Spirit. The same is for us today. In our culture, feminism and New Age philosophies scream from every corner of society. And sadly, in the church, husbands and wives are burdened with lists of what each must do for their spouses so their marriages are "in God’s order," resulting in a "works - centered" life, doomed for failure. However, when we find our fulfillment in Jesus, instead of trying to get our spouses to fill us up, we are empowered to live lives of mutual submission in all of our relationships. Whether or not a spouse or child responds in kind will not control us; the love, joy, and peace promised us by the Holy Spirit resides in us regardless of our circumstances. As husband and wife grow in their dependence upon the Holy Spirit, lives are changed, mutual submission flourishes, and the fruit of the Spirit is manifested. This is the "koinonia cross" lived out.

DIFFICULT PASSAGES

I CORINTHIANS 11:1-16

"There are only two places [in the Bible] where a man or husband is referred to as ‘head’ (I Cor. 11:1-16 and Ephesians 5:21-23). In the I Corinthians passage, headship carries the connotation of ‘being the source of life and existence.’ Nowhere in the context is there a discussion of an authoritarian ruling over the wife by the husband. . ." (p. 55 Marriage and Family Relationships, by Dr. David Mendez) 

In understanding this difficult passage, it is important to see it within the context of chapter 10 and the last half of chapter 11. Paul is talking about not identifying with the pagan customs of that culture. 

Chapter 10 emphasizes not having fellowship (koinonia) with devils by participating in pagan sacrifices. After saying that it is permissible to buy meat sold in the market, he also encourages them to go ahead and eat whatever is set before them at an unbeliever’s house. However, if the host tells them that it has been dedicated to an idol, he recommends that they don’t eat for the host’s sake. This is because eating meat sacrificed to an idol is an act of worship for a pagan; thus, for a Christian to eat the meat under these circumstances would appear to be an act of worship in the eyes of the pagan (not in God’s eyes), spoiling your Christian witness, and making it seem that a Christian is one who worships more than one God (god). Paul makes it clear at the end of the chapter that idols are nothing and we are free to do as we please, but that our choices should be guided by bringing glory to God so that "some may be saved." 

In the last half of I Corinthians 11, Paul goes on to admonish the believers to not celebrate the Lord’s Supper like the pagans’ glutinous, drunken feasts -- feasts that were acts of worship. He reminds them that the Lord’s Supper is something entirely different from what they practiced as pagans. 

Thus, instead of isolating I Cor. 11:1-16 out of its context, it becomes a part of a greater discussion. 

I Corinthians 11:2, 4-6; 13-16

The heart of the Corinthian culture was its pagan religion. In its practice, prostitutes were used and honored. To identify themselves, they wore very short hair and did not wear a veil in public. Glutinous, drunken parties and orgies were frequent as acts of worship. Women – married or single – who were not a part of cult prostitution, wore long hair and/or veils in public. If a prostitute converted to Christianity, she would need a head covering to no longer be identified with her former profession. In keeping with the theme of not identifying with pagan customs, then, Christian wives/women who went uncovered in public were identifying with cult prostitution. Christians in that culture who identified with those pagan practices brought dishonor to God and to the marriage covenant. While on the one hand they were free to do as they pleased (10:29,30), on the other hand, they were not to just consider themselves, but to make choices that glorified God, choices that did not offend believers and unbelievers, and choices that caused "some to be saved" (10:31-33). 

I Corinthians 11:3, 7-12

These verses take us back to creation (Genesis 1 & 2) to find the truth of God’s plan. Even though Adam was first created in the image (glory) of God, and then woman made in the image (glory) of Adam, since then neither man nor woman are independent of either in bringing forth life. Bottom line, says Paul, "all things are from God" (v.12). In reminding the Corinthian believers of this foundational truth, Paul counteracts the serpent’s message* from Genesis 3 of independence from God. In paganism, the serpent’s message is not only practiced, but also emphasizes that the woman is the source of life instead of God. Verse 10 warns women not to fall into the same deception and be identified with "the lie." *[v.10 "Angel(s)" is a transliteration instead of a translation; the word means messenger(s).] 

Paul uses the customs of that culture to illustrate timeless principles, that God alone is the source of all life (v.12 ". . . all things are from God") and the oneness of husband/wife within the marriage covenant (v.7-12). Thus, when husbands/wives co-operate with the serpent’s message, they dishonor God and one another. This passage is another reminder of the ‘koinonia cross,’ where God alone is our source (vertical koinonia) and out of that vertical relationship flows our relationships with the Body of Christ, particularly the marriage covenant (horizontal koinonia). To live out the ‘koinonia cross’ is to bring honor and glory to God in all relationships. 

(If one is determined to use the term "head" as in "authority," this passage will still come to the same conclusions as above. Understanding mutual submission and true headship as described in Ephesians 5 co-operates with the principles in I Corinthians 11. To not walk in mutual submission brings dishonor to the marriage covenant and aligns one with the message brought by the serpent in Genesis 3.) 

Note: The Greek word for woman also means wife; the Greek word for man also means husband.

I PETER 3:1-7

Because I Peter 3:1,7 both begin with a key word/phrase (depending on your translation), "likewise" or "in the same way," linking chapter 3 with the end of chapter 2, a study of this passage must begin with

I Peter 2:21-25. ". . . Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps. . ." These verses describe how Jesus, our head, submitted Himself – how He willingly laid down His life for the unborn Church: He committed no sin; no deceit was found in His mouth; when reviled, he did not revile in return; He did not threaten when he suffered, but instead committed Himself to God who judges righteously; and He took all the blame/punishment for our sins. In this same way, wives and husbands are expected to treat each other! This is mutual submission as described in Ephesians 5 – laying down one’s life for the other with a servant’s heart. While it may seem odd that there are 6 verses devoted to the wives and only one to the husbands, it is noteworthy that verse 7 takes us back to Genesis 1 & 2 with the phrase "heirs together." The Message Bible states it like this: "But in the new life of God’s grace, you’re equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals. . ." Just as the man and woman were co-rulers/equal in the Garden before the Fall, so it is in the New Covenant, which takes us back to God’s original plan in the beginning.

I TIMOTHY 2:11-15

As the center of world paganism, a female deity was worshiped, named Diana by the Romans. The cult taught female superiority and domination of the male. It espoused a doctrine of feminine procreation, which taught that this goddess was able to bring forth offspring without male involvement. The cult was characterized by sexual perversion, fertility rites, endless myths, and elaborate genealogies traced through female rather than male bloodlines. Magic and all manner of demonic activity flourished.

The Jewish gnostics (meaning ‘knowledge’) were the first century equivalents of our New Age movement. These gnostics combined the teachings of the Old Testament with paganism. One example is their version of the Genesis 3 account of Adam and Eve in which Eve was the "illuninator" of mankind because she was the first to receive the "true knowledge" from the serpent, who gnostics saw as the "savior" and revealer of truth. They claim that Eve taught this new revelation to Adam, that she was the progenitor of the human race, and that Adam was her son rather than her husband. This belief reflected the gnostic doctrine that a female deity could being forth children without male involvement.

Because these gnostic teachings infiltrated the church, Paul encouraged Timothy to confront the problem of false doctrines head-on. He told him to forbid certain people from peddling their false teachings in the Body of Christ and to admonish others to turn away from myths and endless genealogies. He also told him to: oppose those who spoke falsely of the living God; warn people about the doctrines of demons; avoid stupid, senseless controversies; and have nothing to do with old wives’ tales such as the corrupted story of Adam and Eve. He urged Timothy to use the scriptures for sound teaching, reproof, correction, and training in righteousness. (I Tim. 1:3,4; 4:7,16; 5:13; II Tim. 2:16, 23-26; 3:6-9,16; 4:2-4,)

What we can surmise from this background information and the admonitions to Timothy is that women were teaching this false doctrine. In light of this, a closer look at the I Timothy 2 passage is very revealing. However, an understanding of some original language and Greek grammar is essential before we can proceed.

The word translated as "authority" is the Greek word authentein, and its meaning changed dramatically over a period of 1,100 years. In 6th century B.C. classical literature, the word meant "to initiate or be responsible for a murder." By 200 A.D. it meant "to usurp authority." At the writing of this letter to Timothy (about 64 A.D.), though, the most common meaning for authentein was "to claim to be the originator of something." The word that is translated "silence" (Greek, hesuchia) also means harmony, peace, conformity, or agreement. 

The phrase "I do not permit" is in the present tense. That being the case, a more accurate rendering would be "I am not presently permitting/allowing".

With these in mind, a translation of I Timothy 2:12 more in keeping with the social context and the original language would be: "I am not presently allowing a woman to teach or to proclaim herself the originator of man [authentein], but to be in agreement [with sound teaching from the scriptures]." Paul was advocating that the women who had been teaching this false doctrine not be allowed to teach for a season, while they were being taught the truth from the Genesis account.

His statement that "Adam was formed first, then Eve" negates the doctrine of Eve as progenitor. And his claim that "Adam was not deceived, but the woman was and sinned" directly contradicts the notion that Eve was the "illuminator." Otherwise v. 13,14 do not make any sense within the context of this passage.

I Timothy, along with numerous other examples of women ministering in the Body of Christ, refutes the false teaching that women cannot speak out/teach in the Body of Christ. While others may say that a woman cannot teach "at church" (gathering/meeting), but may in other places, we must be aware that BELIEVERS ARE THE CHURCH. One cannot go to a building and say you are "in church" and then say that women cannot speak out. Since believers – the people – are the church, there is no way to justify women not speaking, teaching, or prophesying in a meeting.

CONCLUSION

I believe that the last 1700 years of teaching on the marriage has been based on the Genesis 3 curses instead of God’s original plan in Genesis 1 and 2. This false teaching has produced a ‘works-centered’ formula based on hierarchy in the marriage. It works with marriages who have the correct personalities (i.e., husband is "choleric" personality – natural leader and the wife is "phlegmatic" personality – natural follower). But those marriages where the wife is gifted as a leader and the husband is a natural follower are doomed for failure and condemnation in this false teaching. They spend years on the treadmill, reading all the "right" books and never achieving their goal of hierarchy in their marriages. Understanding that the husband/wife are one, living in mutual submission, and practicing headship as servanthood – all in the context of the ‘koinonia cross’ – is a revelation that needs to be proclaimed to the Body of Christ.

See Marriage and the Family for recommended resources.

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